Searching for A Middle Way
In both life and business, the debate is between “the journey, not the destination” and “the destination at any cost."
Advocates of wellbeing insist that it is the quality of our daily lives which matters, not the overriding professional, financial or personal goals. And they’d be right - to a point. Masters of the universe and those with the drive to be highly ambitious disagree. If reaching your goal means getting up at 5am and having a cold shower before hitting the gym and then embarking on a twelve-hour working day that doesn’t include the side hustle, then bite the bullet and get to it. Such people usually find themselves the victims of burnout and a public re-birth into proselytising about the benefits of mindfulness and whole foods. But their reasons are not wholly without merit either.
“Go to the pain rather than avoid it”
Could it be that genuine, holistic success lies in the not so controversial middle ground where both the journey AND the destination inform our choices? In Buddhism, The Middle Way is a philosophy which seeks to harness the space between free will and determinism, form and emptiness, being and not being. For the less spiritually inclined, common sense and moderation would also work as descriptors.
Because even if we’re low on worldly ambition, destination still matters. We all need a purpose, without it there is no meaning to our worldly labours. Few of us are so nihilistic that we can survive without the belief that there is a point to our lives, whether that’s helping out at the local food bank, bringing up children or becoming CEO of a multinational. Destinations don’t have to be fixed; they can change. We don’t need goals which drive us for a lifetime in a ride-or-die pursuit, but a destination of any sort provides the necessary ambition. But unarguably, it is the quality of the journey which most significantly impacts our health, wellness and growth.
In most western Capitalist societies, we are programmed to consume and seek comfort, a wholly paradoxical proposition which requires us to work more hours than is good for us to afford the comforts which might alleviate the symptoms of wage-slavery. Or, as I heard it put rather pithily recently, ‘spending money I don’t have to buy things I don’t need to impress people I don’t like.’ In many Eastern philosophies acceptance is the goal, but acceptance is not some bovine state of serenity where nothing bothers us. Rather it is an acknowledgement that discomfort is a constant and even vital part of our existence. It’s the grit in the oyster that makes the pearl.
Nourishing growth demands a shift from a state of comfort-seeking to stress-acceptance. Stress gets a bad rap and is blamed for most of the ills of modern life but without it we’re sunk. The more effort (up to a point) that you put in, the more solid the foundations and the higher the reward. And for that we have evolution to thank.
“We are disturbed not by things, but the view which we take of them”
The human body has evolved to withstand sufficient stress to trigger the pathways necessary for efficient functioning. Biologically we are designed to experience stress in the form of extremes of temperature, lack of food, the drive to secure that food and all manner of physical exertions. In his excellent exploration on ageing, Jellyfish Age Backwards, Nicklas Brendborg PhD student of molecular biology at the University of Copenhagen writes “The stressor keeps the organism strong, this biological phenomenon, getting stronger from adversity, is called hormesis.” In the developed world stressors are rarities, although with global warming, wars and inflation this is changing. “Our Stress response pathways are simply not being activated’ says Dr. Rhonda Patrick in conversation with Andrew Huberman in the Huberman Lab Podcast #70. What our systems have evolved to cope with, she explains, they never have to experience in modern developed societies. Without some external stressors, “we simply do not function at optimal levels.” Echoing Dr. Patrick’s assertion, Daniela Kaufer, associate professor of integrative biology at the University of California, Berkeley has conducted studies on rats which show exactly how acute stress – short-lived, not chronic – primes the brain for improved performance. “Stress can be something that makes you better, but it is a question of how much, how long and how you interpret or perceive it.”
“Stress can be something that makes you better, but it is a question of how much, how long and how you interpret or perceive it”
Certainly, our experience of stress could be transformed if we were to re-frame it. With exercise, we tell ourselves to fight through discomfort to get to the other side, because we know that ultimately it is good and healthy for us to do so. What if we were to treat all stress the same way? What if, rather than feeling alarmed in the midst of stressful situations we told ourselves it was a necessary precursor to good outcomes? Mindset is important. Countless studies show that what you believe about an event influences your experience of it. As the Stoic philosopher Epictetus put it, “We are disturbed not by things, but the view which we take of them.”
In conversation with Steven, he points out that any journey requires three fundamental data points:
Where you want to go
Where you are
The conditions you can expect en route.
An understanding of where you are allows you to plan your route. If you’re an accountant who wants to become a massage therapist, you will plot your course according to the professional requirements and the capital and time at your disposal. No point in bringing ice picks and spikes if the terrain is desert. Gathering insight before the journey will improve the chances of success. In other words, it’s all very well to have a dream, but do your homework.
So, a middle way helps to reduce the highs and lows of either driving yourself to the point of collapse or just giving up. Conscious choices about both your destination and the quality of your journey will help to maintain the steady course. This may sound like common sense but how many of our really choose our destination? Isn’t it true that we go along to get along? Whether that be family, friends or our employers, many of us follow a path of least resistance in a bid to avoid drama, then express dissatisfaction to find ourselves with lives not of our choosing.
“Intuition is the key to everything… you could have an intellectual ability, but if you could sharpen your intuition, a knowingness occurs”
Taking control is not easy. We risk upsetting not only others but the comfortable state of resignation that we have often spent years passively working – or not resisting – our way into. But taking responsibility for our lives immediately increases our investment in the outcome. We experience a tangible upswing in energy and effort to achieve a favourable result. Once we accept that challenges and obstacles are all part and parcel of an intentional life we stop getting thrown by every bump in the road. And the route to those decisions is found not in books, or thought leaders or the latest guru, but yourself. Everything you need to make decisions is already within you.
As filmmaker David Lynch noted, “Intuition is the key to everything… you could have an intellectual ability, but if you could sharpen your intuition, a knowingness occurs.”
Steven identifies three take-outs:
Identify not only where you want to go, but where you are and what resources you might need for the journey.
Find a travelling companion, someone who will hold you honestly accountable. We are masters at hiding the truth from ourselves.
Seek out some resistance and stress - for the body and for the mind. Remember overcoming the adversity makes us stronger.